July 30, 2008

I realise now why I continually have long periods of falling behind in writing -- those that do not have to do with my connections with a less than utterly reliable societal infrastructure.

I know now that I have always had a gift for writing. It was not something self-evident to me. As far as I knew, everyone around me was literate, so of course everyone around me was able to express themselves competently through writing. It took me years to learn otherwise.

I was not driven to write. For the most part, this was because I had nothing worth saying. What I could write, someone else had already written, so why just repeat it?

Something shifted. Something discovered a need to be communicated. It interrupts my talking, my life, my reading to the point where it now takes me a week and more to read books I had once blown through in an hour, simply because a book is no longer a passive transmitter of symbolic information but a conversation, a channel, a thousand steam valve pressure points.

And so I am driven to write and to create new structures for the writing, to the point where I often cannot keep up with what needs saying -- because for this, the skills I had thought more than adequate fall far short.

(And, just occasionally, I would not mind earning enough money to pay the bills!)

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