December 15, 2004

(From now through until at least the new year, on-line presence and/or entries will continue to be sporadic, since as a rule I am nowhere near a computer most of the time.)

I find, now, that I don't regret, not one thing.

What I have said in the past on this subject, I have found frequently to be misconstrued, warped into never having done something otherwise than it would be done now, with current knowledge; the equivalent of never altering as a human being: which in turn implies a self-perception of something very close to personal perfection (be it based on some "objective" image, or by the simple tool of identifying perfection based on oneself). In this context, any personal change must necessarily be for the worse: and thus any actual flexibility (as opposed to the possible image of being flexible) is to be avoided.

But I firmly believe in the necessity of a growing, necessarily changing self image, for evolutionary survival if for nothing else (and I very much do also hold that there are many different aspects to evolutionary survival): and thus the possibility must exist for past decisions that might have been differently made with current knowledge and awareness.

Thus, when I say that I try to live without regret, I mean that in each case, I can be certain that I have tried to make the best choices possible within what I knew at the time. I don't say that I always succeeded. I don't even say that someone else, within the same knowledge set, might have come up with the same "best" choices: for knowledge is not the sum of what constitutes an individual human being.

Is that the best to which one can aspire? I don't know. I do know that at this point in my life, I have temporarily mostly abandoned some parts of my life through at least the new year, I will be picking up those or other parts of my life thereafter: balancing out a temporary sacrifice on my part against a bitter need by another. I know that I intend to pick up the regular Tuesday chats again in the new year. I know that I intend to continue planning the major get-together scheduled for the end of next June through July 10 (and if you are reading this, you are invited).

I also know that I find nothing, within what I knew at the time, that I would have done any differently.

I find no regrets.

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